Duane's World Of Humor

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You might be a Redneck Jedi if ....

. . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
. . . you say "these are not the beers you are looking for."
. . . that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
. . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
. . . you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"
. . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
. . . the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
. . . you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".
. . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
. . . you meditate to old CCR records.
. . . you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
. . . you have ever said, "Anger...Fear...Aggression...Yankees...the dark side are they."
. . . your X-Wing has a still in it.
. . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
. . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
. . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
. . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
. . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
. . . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
. . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
. . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
. . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
. . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
. . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
. . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
. . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
. . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
. . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
. . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
. . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
. . . your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
. . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
. . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
. . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an "ugly" contest.
. . . your father's name is Garth Vader.
. . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
. . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
. . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
. . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
. . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.

. . . you think the best use of your light saber is cleaning your teeth.
. . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
. . . there is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
. . . you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
. . . a peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
. . . you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
. . . your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
. . . you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
. . . the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
. . . wookies are offended by your B.O.
. . . you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
. . . you have ever used the force in conjunction with bowling or a spitting contest.
. . . you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
. . . you have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
. . . you wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
. . . your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
. . . you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
. . . you've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
. . . you've ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
. . . you have the words "Foxy Lady" or a playboy bunny painted on your land speeder.
. . . you bought hanging air fresheners for your friend's X-Wing at Christmas time.
. . . you use the "O" on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
. . . you wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
. . . you call the Emporer "That old ugly dude in the house coat."
. . . your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
. . . you think that Jabba the Hutt really knows how to pick up good looking chicks.
. . . you've got a stuffed womp rat from Begger's Canyon on your mantle.
. . . your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millenium Falcon.
. . . you've ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
. . . you're flying a ship that has no original parts.
. . . parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
. . . your blind date was arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
. . . people mistake your house for a jawa used droids and speeder parts dealership.
. . . the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.
. . . you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
. . . you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
. . . you didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
. . . you've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
. . . you've moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
. . . your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
. . . the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba's Gamorean guards.
. . . your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.
. . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
. . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

. . . you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
. . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
. . . you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
. . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
. . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
. . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
. . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
. . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
. . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
. . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
. . . you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!"

. . . you actually enjoyed seeing the Princess Naboo get kicked off her throne and let a man rule the world.
. . . you've ever taken a telephone pole down to test a lightsaber.
. . . your priest carries a lightsaber in his boot for emergencies.
. . . you've ever tested your lightsaber on your little brother "tell me if this hurts".
. . . you were buried with your lightsabor.
. . . you have ever gone deer huntin' with a lightsaber.
. . . you have a gun cabinet just for lightsabers.
. . . when storm kills power yer lightsaber illuminates your house until you gouge Bubba's eye out.
. . . you brand cattle with a lightsaber.
. . . your lightsaber came with a "money back guarantee".
. . . your lightsaber is equiped with a "kick start".
. . . your father finally agrees to take you deer hunting and he hands you a lightsaber and says, "May the force be with you."
. . . you use your lightsabor as a flare and you hear Ma say from the back porch, "Billy Bob, you get your ass in here rite now you're gunna put Bubba's other eye out!".
. . . your lightsaber is the best lawnmower blade you've ever had.
. . . you use your lightsabor to open the door on your chevy pickup.
. . . you wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.
. . . a Wookie told you to shave.
. . . your plan to destroy the Death Star included two M-80s and a half gallon of granny's moon shine.
. . . you use your lightsabor as a bug zapper.
. . . you think the Death Star is in the outhouse
. . . you have fish innards all over your light sabor.
. . . at least one section of your X-Wing is bondo colored.
. . . you can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.
. . . the moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.