Duane's World Of Humor

Driving Etiquette for Rednecks

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Do not remove the marlbro from your mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss off.
Put Brush Guards on all our vehicles
When taking Shortcut off road, be careful as not to hit anyone who might be walking.
You must have big tires on all vehicles (even cars).
A Jack Daniels bottle is not a gear shift.
When you get stopped and the officer says he is going to write you a ticket don't tell him, "No thanks, I won't be staying for the drawing."
When you get gas tell the worker to twist the rag three times because if he doesn't the service light will come on.
Cattle horns on the hood of your vehicle look like gunsights when possums are crossing the road.
The race car is not street legal even if you do have a license.
Never tell your wife that duct tape will fix the fan belt of her car.
Don't try to race the hurse in a funeral.